Log in

No account? Create an account

"Tell me baby- what's your story."

okt. 21-a, 2006 | 11:07 pm
disposition?!: distresseddistraught
sound?!: Red Hot Chilli Peppers

everything smells like her. this chair smells like her. this shirt smells like her. and when things definitely do not smell like her, the act of smelling reminds me of the way she smells.

Ligilo | penny for you thoughts? {1} worthless coins |

"The premature ejaculation of his death sentence hit Daniel in the face like a big brown spit ball."

okt. 20-a, 2006 | 10:33 pm
disposition?!: crushedcrushed
sound?!: "Maps"- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I knew she was going to break up with me. I knew the exact minute she stopped loving me back, but I thought I was being paranoid. I thought maybe she just had trouble being expressive, because she was always so shy... but before she had still been able to tell me, "Hey, beautiful." She started looking at me differently, too. It wasn't the same look. I thought once I got ungrounded, we could hang out more. She'd start expressing everything again. Until yesterday, I started flipping out while I was babysitting. I started sobbing and I knew she was going to do it. I sobbed. I felt ridiculous about sobbing. I sobbed some more. Overnight, I convinced myself it was just my imagination, but in US History, when I saw her face and talked to her, I started shaking. Cassidy asked me what was wrong, and Jello didn't notice that I was quietly having a panic attack in the desk next to her. I told Cassidy, "Something's going to happen soon," but she reassured me enough that I went to lunch convinced once more that I was being ridiculous. Before Theater I saw her for a few seconds before the bell rang. I hugged her tightly, and skipped off to class full of love and perk, sure that the only high I'd ever need was that closeness, that electric feeling I got when I touched her. I wrote her a note about how amazing that was, how magical it was that just being near her made everything feel right in the world.
After school she was removed, nervous. I handed her the note, and she covered her eyes and made a small noise. "I don't know how to say this."
And I knew.
"This isn't working out."
Suddenly, gravity had a much stronger hold on me.
"No, don't look at me like that... please don't cry. It's not your fault. It's Caitlin... I'm still in love with her..."
"You're perfect, I swear, it's just something wrong with me..."
I rode my bike home both slowly and furiously, hoping that the tears in my eyes would lead me astray and I would get hit.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I thought I could make her happy. I thought if I loved her enough, she wouldn't be so sad all the time...
Cassidy rang the doorbell with sunflowers. We sat in the grass and talked until nine. I was distracted until she left.

Ligilo | penny for you thoughts? {3} worthless coins |

(neniu temo)

aŭg. 19-a, 2006 | 10:53 am
disposition?!: weirdweird
sound?!: Tegan and Sara- living room

Dear Shiva. Some bastard threw up in the sink in the men's bathroom last night at Besito's, and guess who has bathroom cleanup duty! Yep. I better be getting major brownie points for that.
In other news, Life is Good. There is nothing to post about that wouldn't disturb you people.

Ligilo | penny for you thoughts? {3} worthless coins |